Greetings. I am thrilled to report that business at the store has been smashing. The last two days have been the best since I started working at Himalayan Views two-and-a-half years ago! And I don't think I'd be stretching the truth if I said it has all to do with my hard work. There is/was literally an ongoing thread of customers coming into the store both Friday and Saturday. Our sales were superb. Today will be the same, I'm sure, as will most of next week leading up to Christmas Eve. I love working there. I love meeting people, helping them find things, make decisions, feel delighted in their purchase. We have such marvelous people that frequent our store, and some of them are becoming friends. I feel such a sense of community there, which I am discovering is a cornerstone of my life. I love building community.
In addition to handicrafts from Tibet, Nepal, and India, we also feature local artisans. Sonam, the owner, wants to support and promote local folks who are making a living at their craft. I'm always looking for new ideas, and in fact we just started selling Diamond Bridge, a game of strategy invented by my friend and fellow Amandla singer, Andy Grant. I need to get his web address to give you the link. We sell handmade soaps, photography, pottery, cutting boards, jewelry (that I make), wooden meditation benches, CDs, the self-published book
The Year of a Thousand Colors by Lena Sclove, and more.
In terms of my health I'm fine and dandy. I've said this before, but I love being ovary-less. Love IT. I was thinking about it while I drove home last night from work: how my mood is even and regulated without the hormone fluctuation; my body feels "cleaner" (you women will know what I mean); I feel less burdened by or tethered to or at the mercy of my biology. It's wonderful. No cramps, no cold sweats, no need for underwear even! Howdy Doody. For today I am focusing on keeping a positive attitude and smiling when I feel stressed. I'm getting a bit worn at the edges with all the long hours at work (11-hour days and such), so I need to moderate and keep an even keel. I'm taking this morning off to do things around the house, take the dogs for a nice walk. I just had one of my morning shakes. YUM.
1 whole banana
1 whole grapefruit
1 whole apple
1 T olive oil
½ t cayenne pepper
½ Cup mulled apple cider (that's a seasonal addition, usually it's water)
Zip it up in the blender and voila! Breakfast in a glass. Now I can move on to course two, scrambled eggs and avocado, before I leave for the Himalayas. I've been thinking about recycling my blog a bit for the newcomers. When I look back at what I've been through it feels as though I'm reading someone else's story. I look at pictures of myself with absolutely no hair and I think, "Who the hell is that?" Why, it's me. But she seems like a foreigner, someone I've never met. Also, as I work with the manuscript for book #2, which is turning into the cancer book rather than the depression book, I see that wow, what an interesting story. Sure, millions of women have gone through this, and the market is full of breast cancer survival stories, but somehow I think mine can break through. We'll see. I realized that it doesn't matter if it gets published; it's just important for me to write it for my own catharsis. While I don't want to linger on the last year and a half, I don't want to forget it either. It is a part of me, even though I only have this one moment. It is a milestone or marker, like the death of my mom, or the publication of my book, or a trip to Romania, Hungary, and Austria in 1988 when I sang with a chamber singer group. It's important to remember.
In that vain, I am bringing back my very first post. To me it's as if it's written in a foreign language. But it's real, it's real.
I wish you all beautiful day. How best can you nurture yourself?
Love,
Sue
Here is the first post to Sue's Boob Blog:
August 28, 2008 -- 12:08 p.m.FIRST EMAILHi everybody
Some of you do not know the news, so I'm sorry to say it in an Email, but this is the best way for me at the moment.
Monday I had my yearly physical, and the doc found a lump in my right breast. I do regular breast exams, and this area had changed very quickly. I was surprised when she found it. Given my history of benign growths (I've already had two biopsies, one in 1991 and one in 1992), we both figured it wasn't anything, but she wanted to order an ultrasound to be sure. Coincidentally, I had already scheduled my yearly mammogram for the following day (yesterday).
The initial films yesterday showed new calcifications in my right breast, which is where I've had trouble before. They took a magnified view of the area, and while those films were developing they did the ultrasound, and both confirmed that there is in fact a "mass" as they say, at "9 o'clock" about 2.5 inches from the nipple -- if you were looking at my breast and thinking of it as a clock. There are also more calcifications very close to the nipple, just under the skin, also at 9 o'clock.
The radiologist said that it is most likely cancer. Can you believe it!!!!!!!? What the fuck, right? Needless to say, I was in shock, but I am feeling fine emotionally and physically, and have felt fine since the news. Just shocked.
They said I caught it "WAY early," and that it's very small. It feels like it's about the size of a grape - a red, seedless grape to be more precise in the Sue Blauner sort of way, which to me doesn't seem small at all, but what do I know.
I am going back today for the biopsy, which they will do using ultrasound, and a needle. If you want to know the details. .... they will numb the area, then, using ultrasound, locate the mass and calcifications, and then insert the needle and remove the tissue. I won't know the results for 3 days, which will most likely be Tuesday because of the holiday on Monday.
Ironically, I start grad school on Tuesday.
While they have not done the biopsy yet, both the radiologist and the woman who did the ultrasound conveyed the impression that it is indeed cancer. One comment from the ultrasound lady, upon my pushing for a definite answer was, "It looks pretty nasty." I can't believe I'm actually using the word "cancer" in reference to myself and my very own body. It's surreal.
I will most likely have to have chemotherapy and radiation. I may or may not have to have surgery, depending on the "grade" of cancer, and if so I don't think it would be a mastectomy - probably a lumpectomy. The ultrasound lady said, "No one dies of breast cancer anymore." I don't know how true that is, but I think it's fairly accurate.
I will continue to work with the folks at the Baystate Comprehensive Breast Center in Springfield, and I will get a second and possibly third opinion from the folks at Faulkner (where I had my surgery in 1992) and some other cancer specialty place, most likely in Boston. Maybe Mass General, where I had my first surgery. Fortunately/unfortunately, I have a friend here who is recovering from breast cancer, and she and I will be talking tomorrow. Thankfully I have state health insurance that will cover everything. Thank goodness.
I have loads of support here as well as on the Cape, so I feel cradled in love. My new boyfriend, Anthony, has been wonderful, and is driving me down today for the procedure at 1 p.m. He's really a wonderful person.
Of course this brings up so many things, most obviously the fact that I watched my mom die from ovarian cancer, but that was almost 30 years ago, and ovarian is far more aggressive than breast cancer. Plus, technology and treatment are light years ahead of where they were. To be honest, I don't feel all that worried, more scared of what it's going to be like to get chemo because of the awful side effects mom experienced. Like I said though, these days it's completely different.
And, of course it brings up the irony that someone who spent 18 years in a suicidal maze, who then heals and wants to live, should develop breast cancer. Great script for a movie or a book. More on that later....
OK. I'm going to sign off. If you want to Email questions or support that's great. I cannot talk to everyone individually, so I will be sending these email updates. Feel free to call and leave messages though, and send emails.
Please keep me in your prayers.
I love you all,
Sue
Hello friends and family,
Greetings. I am thrilled to report that business at the store has been smashing. The last two days have been the best since I started working at Himalayan Views two-and-a-half years ago! And I don't think I'd be stretching the truth if I said it has all to do with my hard work. There is/was literally an ongoing thread of customers coming into the store both Friday and Saturday. Our sales were superb. Today will be the same, I'm sure, as will most of next week leading up to Christmas Eve. I love working there. I love meeting people, helping them find things, make decisions, feel delighted in their purchase. We have such marvelous people that frequent our store, and some of them are becoming friends. I feel such a sense of community there, which I am discovering is a cornerstone of my life. I love building community. 
In addition to handicrafts from Tibet, Nepal, and India, we also feature local artisans. Sonam, the owner, wants to support and promote local folks who are making a living at their craft. I'm always looking for new ideas, and in fact we just started selling Diamond Bridge, a game of strategy invented by my friend and fellow Amandla singer, Andy Grant. I need to get his web address to give you the link. We sell handmade soaps, photography, pottery, cutting boards, jewelry (that I make), wooden meditation benches, CDs, the self-published book The Year of a Thousand Colors by Lena Sclove, and more.
In terms of my health I'm fine and dandy. I've said this before, but I love being ovary-less. Love IT. I was thinking about it while I drove home last night from work: how my mood is even and regulated without the hormone fluctuation; my body feels "cleaner" (you women will know what I mean); I feel less burdened by or tethered to or at the mercy of my biology. It's wonderful. No cramps, no cold sweats, no need for underwear even! Howdy Doody. For today I am focusing on keeping a positive attitude and smiling when I feel stressed. I'm getting a bit worn at the edges with all the long hours at work (11-hour days and such), so I need to moderate and keep an even keel. I'm taking this morning off to do things around the house, take the dogs for a nice walk. I just had one of my morning shakes. YUM. 
Hi. Last night I felt a strong urge to get out my manuscript about this cancer odyssey, and this morning I awoke at 7:30 a.m. to dive right in. I feel motivated and on purpose with this project. I realized I have something to SAY to women. I know it's been SAID many times before, but my voice is unique, my story is unique and this blog is unique. If publishing it in book form will make the information more accessible, then all the better. With that, I'm off to walk the dogs, work a few hours for Jack, then return home to the manuscript. I feel excited!
Hi, and happy holidays. All is well on the boob and ovary front. I feel great. Really great, actually. I tell ya, life without ovaries is superb. Even the hot flashes are dying down, maybe because it's winter? I don't know, but I'll take it. Life is good and I'm enjoying every piece of it. What a lovely thing. I am now the full-on manager of Himalayan Views which is very exciting. Last Friday Sonam and I drove to Boston to pick up a huge shipment from Nepal. Very cool. You should see some of the merchandise that just arrived. It's so beautiful and unique. I wish our culture had such style. I'll post some pics later. I've been working long hours to get everything out on the floor, as this coming weekend is our last prior to Christmas. I've been waiting for this shipment for months, and had hoped to get it before Thanksgiving, but there was a hold up in customs. Pretty cool that on my resume I can now list international imports. Oh, here are a few of the ads I designed that I've been running in the local papers. It will give you a feel for the store. Some are one color, some four color, some black and white. We've already been getting new customers as a result, which is thrilling. We're also advertising on the radio and I wrote the script for that.
Hi Everybody. I want you to meet my friend Britta, who, at the young age of THIRTY, was diagnosed with breast cancer on November 9. Britta, I love you. I met Britta, I don't know, about ten or so years ago at a young adult spiritual direction group at First Parish Unitarian Universalist Church in Brewster, Mass. (I lived on Cape Cod for a long time before moving to western Massachusetts.) Some of you may have met Britta at my splendiforous birthday party in November. Britta has one of the biggest hearts I've ever had the blessing to know. She is a lovely young woman, wise beyond her years, and continues to be an inspiration for me. Britta is an earth woman who believes in infinite possibility. She is positive, extremely funny, sometimes quiet and shy, very attentive, a great listener, and a great friend. Britta, I want you to know how much you mean to me. Your perfect health is my wish for you. We'll be thinking of you on January 5, 2010, when you have surgery, and in the subsequent weeks when you have radiation.
Britta, we love you. You are a light, a sparkle, a magic wand. You are the beauty and grace of faeries, the playful curiosity of leprechauns. You are love. I have watched you grab hold of your womanhood and stand tall in the face of this illness. You are taking giant steps, speaking your needs clearly, and handling everything with strength, openness, and courage. You are an inspiration. Please, let's all take a moment to send Britta our thoughts and prayers for a speeding and uneventful healing. If you would like to read her blog, here is a link to Britta's Boob Blog. I reflected last night about how lucky I feel to be able to help other women who now face this situation. I know Sue's Boob Blog has helped and is helping many women and their loved ones around the world. That is a great blessing, and helps me understand why I got cancer in the first place. I do not know how long I will live. I am not necessarily counting on eighty years. But if I can continue helping people throughout my life than it has been a good one. Thank you for reading my blog and for keeping me in your thoughts. I hope what I write inspires and comforts you, and brings peace and laughter to your mind. We all need each other everyday. I'm glad I can be here for you as you are for me.
Look at her fly! Isn't she amazing? She started learning the trapeze several years ago. 
