BACK TO "NORMAL"

... whatever that is.

I'm feeling fine again. Medications back on track, several big stressors gone. Grateful to feel well again, excited about upcoming opportunities. I wish I had time to become a neurobiologist. I think the human mind is fascinating.

So, for any of you out there who are struggling at the moment, remember that everything passes. Just read a few posts back and see the progression. I know it feels like it will never change, but that's not true. You will feel better. 100% guaranteed.

I've got to run, but I wanted to say a quick hello.

Peace,
Sue

BETTER STILL

Dear Friends, I'm happy to report that my mood is improving still. I realized though, that I still feel so disconnected to my life experience. When I do things, like stage managing a concert last night, the minute it's over, the FEELING of it is gone, and it then seems like it happened long ago. This used to happen to me a lot, decades ago. I think it's because I'm tired and on the mend from the latest dip.

I hope you're all well. Thanks for reading.

Love
Sue

I'M STILL HERE

Hello friends. Sorry I've been so out of touch. Thank you for checking on the blog. I've been through a little rough patch, but I'm on the mend and feeling much better. The anniversary of my mother's death was May 5. She died of ovarian cancer, and with my friend dying of breast cancer in March, and my being a breast cancer survivor, it just really hit home this year. Some years the anniversary of her death comes and goes and I completely forget. This year was different. Perhaps I am healing on a deeper level. Much sadness and much grief. I still feel really sad, and I miss her greatly.

I've started painting and I LOVE IT! I've wanted to be an abstract painter for decades and I'm finally doing it.... on large canvases. Love it. Love it. Love it. I'll post a picture soon. I've posted some snapshots of segments of the painting at the bottom of this missive. Hmm. Blogger has changed. I can't seem to paste the photos within text. I'll have to figure that out. In the meantime, enjoy.  (P.S. The painting will be for sale once complete.... hint, hint)

I've got to run, but I just wanted to check in and say hello. Yesterday I presented two staff trainings at The Brattleboro Retreat, and it was a fantastic experience. The audience feedback was incredible. This reminds me of how passionate I am about doing this work -- mental health advocacy, suicide prevention, peer support, all of that. I particularly love staff trainings, because I know this work will reach an ever-widening circle. I truly feel blessed, even though I still feel pretty out of it.

Oh, there is something going on with the breast, but it's nothing. Still, it triggers old feelings from treatment, and reminds me of how much I and my body went through from August 2008 to April 2009. I pruned a tree in my front yard several days ago, and the muscles I strained are those in my chest, and the pain and discomfort feels very similar to post-surgery. I wish I could take a little time and just travel and write and reflect about the cancer experience. It's HUGE in a person's life.

Here are some snapshots of parts of my newest painting. The entire thing is about 5.5 feet by 2.5 feet.

Better go.

Love to all,
Sue

NEWS

Hello all. I received exciting news last week. The proposal I submitted to the Department of Defense Suicide Prevention Conference in Washington, D.C., has been accepted. This is a three-day conference in June focused solely on suicide prevention within the military. The workshop is entitled Operation Decisive Victory: Skil lBuilding and Mental Health Strategies for Overcoming Suicidal Ideation.

Given that I am neither a PhD nor military personnel, this is huge. Veteran hospitals around the country already use "How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person's Guide to Suicide Prevention," and I've spoken at two VAMCs, and have been approached by several others, but this is the first military conference.

Here is some feedback from veterans and suicide prevention coordinators in the VA system:

USAF Iraq Veteran
"I found your book and my life and the lives of several others has changed."

Suicide Prevention Case Manager, Perry Point, MD VA Medical Center
"[Sue] has the unique talent of being able to connect in a personal way with her audience. Veterans who have struggled with suicide and hopelessness were renewed with hope. Sue was able to relate to their experiences and gain their trust by using the perfect mixture of her story and helpful coping and recovery tools."

Suicide Prevention Coordinator, Washington, D.C. VAMC
"I asked one of the veterans what he thought and he described it as AMAZING. I would also like to say the same thing. Everything [Sue] presented was important.. One of the things that really resonated with the veterans was talking to someone who has struggled with trying to stay alive and learned how to do it. Many of them were very thankful for [her] presentation."

POW/MIA Chairman, State of Florida
DAV 5th Area Committeemen/Hospital Representative
"As the Disabled American Veterans representative I work closely with PTSD/mental health patients at the VA hospital. I would like to know if I could directly purchase numerous books from you so that the mental health patients could benefit. Your book receives high praise and as a supporter of veterans, your assistance would be appreciated."

Suicide Prevention Coordinator, Louisville, KY VAMC
"One of our flagged veterans introduced me to [How I Stayed Alive, which is] a very practical guide to building skills in dealing with both chronic and acute suicidal ideation. Here at the Louisville VA, we are using this book with our aftercare group, set up for the veterans coming out of inpatient because of a suicide attempt or serious intent."

I'm planning on creating a promotional DVD or CD that I can just hand out to people, rather than paper handouts, which everyone gets. Also, I've asked for permission to be an exhibitor, so I can educate folks about the book, the work I do, and the impact both have had on people throughout the world. I'll keep you posted on details.

I've got two speaking gigs coming up: one on Monday May 7, and one on May 20. I'm also in the process of finding a manager, which would help a great deal. Though, I realize I need to focus on short-term goals as well, such as entering grad school in the fall and getting a master's degree in rehabilitation counseling, which will both provide as viable financial base, as well as open doors for me on the speaking circuit.

Blessings to all. It's beautiful here today. I hope you are enjoying this lovely spring weather. For more information about my book and work, please visit my website, www.susanroseblauner.com

Love
Sue

BIG DAY YESTERDAY

Hello Friends. Yesterday was quite a day. It was the memorial service for my friend who died, on Tuesday, of metastasized breast cancer. I'm exhausted. I designed the program, which came out lovely, and I played singing bowls at the end of the service. The group I sing with sang three songs, and wow, it was a lot. Very stirring. What an incredible woman. So many people have been touched by cancer's wrath. There is nothing good about it. They only comfort lies in that death brings the living closer, most of the time. And this particular passing was and continues to be an inspiration for all who knew her. She fully embraced her passage and encouraged us to do the same. Incredible.

I feel well, emotionally, just a bit spent, which is normal. I'm actually feeling excited, because tomorrow I find out if I got into the special training that is coming up in Boston. It would be fabulous if I did.

Today is a day for rest and renewal, two days ago I SCORED more than 50 VHS movies on the side of the road: great ones! Some of my favorite of all times. I hope to rest and enjoyed a few of them.

Love
Sue

Love
Sue