Hi. I spoke with the surgery scheduler yesterday and the date they have for me is Friday, August 21, so there it is. NOW I feel afraid. The idea of having my ovaries removed surfaces a slew of thoughts, feelings, and realizations. That, combined with the fact that my breast is still warm to the touch and a bit hard, despite being nearly done with the anti-biotics, is starting to wear on me. I need to check out the website that Nat told me about Hyster Sisters. I won't be having a full hysterectomy, but I'm sure it will be helpful to read of other women's experiences with oophorectomies and the aftermath. I don't feel much like writing at the moment. I need to go into town to do some errands for work. I really want to lay low today. I feel worn out. Worked until 9:30 p.m. last night. Running low on food and money. Nervous about the rise in my health insurance premium and co-pays. Have to have faith that all is well. Will send off the package to the national VA suicide prevention coordinator as soon as I get some books from my publisher, which should be today or tomorrow. I'm having fun creating artwork for the show on July 25. I had a dream last night in which I was contemplating grad school again to be a children's therapist. Hmm. I just wish it didn't take two years to get a degree. Maybe I need to rethink the grad school idea. First things first, though. Surgery August 21, then the post-menopausal emotions. That's what scares me most. The other feelings are grief at never bearing children, even though I've never felt strongly about doing so. It's just the fact that I won't be able to after August 21 that feels sad and like a waste.
I definitely feel nervous about this because my chest is fluttering. I'm going to sign off and do what I have to do before going to work.Love,
Sue





